/ #motherhood 

Back to blogging

Or the story of how I started this blog, why I archived it and why I’m blogging again.

The year was 2008.

A year after I gave birth to my first child. Just a few months before the birth of my second.

By then, I had been blogging for 4 years. Mostly “dear diary” stuff and my ramblings about “adulting”.

But when my daughters were born, I started writing more about my experiences as a mom and positive parenting.

I used to always describe myself as an optimist so I combined that with “mommy” and that’s how I came up with Optimommy.

Back then, I didn’t think too much about SEO, niching or all the blogging “must do’s” that exist today.

I just knew I loved writing. I wanted to have a place where I could talk about all things motherhood and connect with other moms, partly for the advice, mostly for the company.

Since none of my friends were moms, it felt comforting to know that there were other moms out there I could relate to.

That I wasn’t alone.

So for the next four years, I wrote as much as my time and energy would allow.

I wrote about my life with kids, the lessons I was learning as a mom and how I was raising them positively.

Other moms would comment on my blogs and I made some friends. I attended some meet ups and even held some in person workshops on positive parenting. I was even assigned as a positive parenting expert in a forum.

In 2012, I was granted an online business school scholarship because of Optimommy.

And then it hit…

The imposter syndrome that seemed to be waiting at the sidelines, ready to pounce the moment I felt an ounce of confidence.

Somewhere along the way, I felt “unqualified” to write in my blog. How could I allow others to call me a positive parenting expert when I wasn’t even close to being an expert mom or homemaker?

As the kids got older, my patience seemed to get thinner. I didn’t even know how to manage our home and relied on a helper to handle it all for me.

Eventually, I stopped writing and archived everything. Several times, I’d contemplated on deleting my old blog. Once, I even tried to revive it using a different domain but that got scrapped too.

Every time, I cleaned up my online accounts, I’d see Optimommy and hover over delete. But something would always hold me back.

And now I know why…

It’s been more than 10 years since I started this blog and, even if so much has changed including the name, my love for writing has remained the same.

And so I come back here to blog at Mothering Soul

For me

Because writing helps me to learn and remember. Words help me connect with myself and single out the voice of truth from the noise in my head.

I realized I don’t need to be an expert or guru blogger. Or a writer that measures the worth of her words by comments, likes and shares.

I just want to write about the things I know. About the things I don’t know and am learning more about.

About my journey away from perfection and toward intention. To be patience. To be kindness. To be gratitude. To be peace. To be love.

About healing and growing through and with my children.

I’ve been slowly adding back some old posts from my archive.

Truth: Sometimes I cringe at the old posts I’ve written. But I like reading them if only to remind me of how far I’ve come.

For my kids

As I was reading through the old posts in my archive, I couldn’t help but laugh at the things they said and did when they were little. It made me remember how much they’ve grown… how much we’ve all grown.

Even if we’ve collected so many photos over the years, there’s something about reading the stories behind them that makes the memories come alive.

Granted my girls are now tweens and I can’t blog about them as freely as I used to (I promised I’d consult them if the post involves them directly).

But there’s so much that I’m learning from this journey that I want to document and pass on to them — a guide they can refer back to should they want to have their own children.

For you.

Because I know what it’s like to feel alone. To feel like you’re messing it up. Like you’re not doing enough and you’re just not cut out of this.

I intend that as I write these stories from the front lines of motherhood, that you’ll see a reflection of your own journey.

And you’ll remember that you are not alone. You’re doing a great job.

You are enough.